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Sharky

Shark Tank

The truth is up there

User calls the help desk to report that a green liquid is coming out of her phone -- and this pilot fish takes the call.

"She offered her expert opinion that 'the liquid crystals are probably leaking out,'" fish says. "I assured her that liquid crystal are not green but that I would come check it out."

And sure enough, when fish get to her cube there's a small puddle of an oily, odorless green liquid under her phone, with obvious trails of it weeping out from around the phone's buttons.

Fish is sure it's not liquid crystals leaking out, if only because the LCD screen is working fine. Do you have any liquids in your overhead bin that might be leaking? fish asks user.

"Certainly not," she replies indignantly. "That would be against the rules!"

So fish replaces the phone with a new one and chalks it up as a mystery.

A few weeks later, fish gets an e-mail from the user's boss -- cc:'d to the user, fish's boss and the company president -- informing fish that the new phone is oozing green liquid, the problem needs to be fixed immediately, and why didn't fish fix this weeks ago since that's his job?

OK, fish thinks, this is not the X-Files. There is an explanation.

It's back to the user's cube, where this time fish looks closely at the underside of the bin that's right over the phone. And there it is: a small green trickle coming out from under the bin door -- invisible before because the drip was hidden by the lip of the door itself.

Fish asks the user to unlock the bin. Inside, as expected, fish finds a plastic bottle of household cleaner. An old bottle of cleaner -- one with a tiny hole on the side near the bottom.

That solves the mystery. Fish figures that the cleaner has been slowly leaking out, dripping onto the phone and running into the case, where the warm electronics helped to evaporate the water. After two weeks, enough concentrated cleaner filled the phone so it could start to weep green liquid again.

"As I chewed the inside of my cheek to hamburger, I asked, as casually as possible, 'You do know that this cleaner is a liquid, right?'" says fish. "All I got in reply were tight lips and a slight huffing sound.

"So I replied to the e-mail, informing everyone of the situation and attaching the previous trouble ticket, which contained the end-user's initial vehement denial of having any liquids in her overhead bin.

"The odd thing is that at no time did either phone stop functioning."

Sharky counts on a nice steady trickle of true tales of IT life. Send me yours at sharky@computerworld.com. You'll score a sharp Shark shirt if I use it. Add your comments below, and read some great old tales in the Sharkives.

Now you can post your own stories of IT ridiculousness at Shark Bait. Join today and vent your IT frustrations to people who've been there, done that.

What People Are Saying

wireless power

The Voice over Cable argument went a long way before it came this way..........

Ater the market opened the end-user realised what was up for grabs......

CAT 3 and Cat 4 pin-outs are technical ideas even the Dummies understand about networks these days........

Basicly the micro-wave generation is comming to an end as a way of speaking when .exl files lack
the real-time capability other standards offer..

Finding a standard does not mean every transaction loss is accounted for.........

Wireless power assumes you have the SAR enviorment under which most circumstances.....

occur overnight......

Soiling Green

Hey, They always shoot the messenger where I worked. No matter how stupid, inept, wrong headed, or incompetent and lazy your co-workers are, you will get yourself fired for finding fault with them because YOU will be viewed as a non team player. It took me the loss of jobs I loved and a wife to figure out nobody wants even constructive criticism.

Constructive Criticism

You say you've lost jobs (plural) and a wife due to your "constructive criticism". (Also, you note that you loved the jobs but don't mention any love for the wife.)

Perhaps you are applying this criticism with a little too much enthusiasm?

shocking

wait, a user was wrong? A user answered a simple question without verifying her answer?

Fish should be disciplined for not insisting she check the bin the first time... even if this idiot made him leave her cube, and didn't admit to having hte cleaner, she surely would have NOTICED it and only ruined 1 phone instead of 2...

http://ikilldeer.mybrute.com (bring it on)

Hamsters

Man, this help desk is messed up! First of all, instead of using a computer-based problem tracking system, they're using a chalkboard. Secondly, they're using human-hamster hybrids instead of (the more expensive) androids. Human-hamsters are more interested in chewing the hamburger stored in their cheeks than thoroughly troubleshooting a problem. That's why we FRIERED Squeeky, Bandit, Bob, and Mr. Chips.

Besides, they only worked at night, pooped on the floor, and that damned wheel had an annoying squeak.

At least

they use old cleaner that doesn't daydream - it concentrates...

LOL

LOL

EVEEN BOSSES CAN MAKE MITSAKES

MY SCREATARYS COPUTRER BLEWL UP ONE DAY SHE SAID SHE HAD TO HVAVE ONE TO DOO HER JOB SO I SNET HER OUT IN THE FEELD BESIDE THE BLUIDIG WE TRHOW OLD MOTINORS AND COPUTRERS OUT THERE SHE BORUHGT IN A 2886 AND WEHN SHE PULGGED IT IN TIHS BIG RASTKLESNAKE CAME OUT AND BITT HER IT CSOT THE COPANY 10000 DLOALLARS TO PAY FROR HER MDEICAL CARE SO NOW I MAKE SRURE THEY OPEN UP THE COPUTRER OUSTIDE BEFRORE THEY BING IT IN IT THE FEELD NOT COPANY PORPERTY

"PAY FROR HER MDEICAL CARE:

What's wrong with you, JIM? Are you feeling ill today? The obvious solution is to FRIER her as soon as she submits the claim. Insurance companies do that all the time.

CAPTCHA: 4â…› barroom -- The Arch Demon will sit in 4 full barrooms, but definitely not that little â…› bugger.

Raskle snakes

You know even those little raskle snakes can be pesky.