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Sharky

Shark Tank

Aha!

Newly minted IT manager pilot fish decides that the way to get a good handle on his company's users and systems is to do a little "management by walking around."

"To that end, I went around to various departments to do a meet-and-greet with random users," says fish. "I started in the Human Resources department and found that a lot of their systems were extremely old, and some barely worked."

Fish talks to the HR director, and she's thrilled when he suggests that they replace her department's PCs. She tells fish that the previous IT manager always nixed her requests for new equipment.

On with the walking tour, and fish notices that most of the PCs in other departments are up to date. Hmm, he thinks, why are the HR machines so old and yet everything else is so new?

In the Engineering department, fish talks with several users, and everything goes smoothly until one individual seems very focused on his work -- and not very communicative.

Still, fish presses on, asking questions about the user's duties. User finally turns to fish and asks, "In your world, the IT world, what would my job title be?"

Well, says fish, you basically take information gathered from others and then input it into a database. But you don't write code or manipulate the data except to print out the results. So in the IT world, I guess you'd be a data entry clerk.

User smiles. "I do much more than input data," he says.

OK, says fish, I guess I need to do a thorough investigation into what a lot of the people in this area do.

User and fish chat a little longer, then they shake hands and fish goes on his way.

As fish is walking back to his office, he gets a call from the HR director. Can fish stop back by her office to deal with some routine paperwork? Sure, says fish.

But when fish arrives, paperwork isn't on the agenda. "Did you tell our GIS guy that he was a data entry clerk?" asks HR Director.

No, says fish, and recaps the conversation.

"Well, you need to go apologize to him," HR director says.

What for? asks baffled fish.

"Because you hurt his feelings!" says HR director. "And while you're at it, go over to customer service and apologize to Betty for not saying 'good morning' to her. You hurt her feelings too. And you really need to watch what you say to the various females on staff here."

What did I say? fish asks slowly.

"You looked at a group of them and said, 'What an ugly, ugly day,'" HR director says.

Says fish, "I replied, 'It's cold and raining. What kind of day would you call it?'

"Then it dawned on me why HR had the worst PCs in the company."

But Sharky has the best true tales of IT life. Send me your story at sharky@computerworld.com. You'll get a stylish Shark shirt if I use it. Add your comments below, and read some great old tales in the Sharkives.

Now you can post your own stories of IT ridiculousness at Shark Bait. Join today and vent your IT frustrations to people who've been there, done that.

What People Are Saying

Take away GIS man and Betty's PCs

Take away GIS man and Betty's PCs. After all, *they* are the ones who apparently complained to HR. Either that, or HR followed the the IT guy.

HR said I offended I said I

HR said I offended
I said I didn't intended
I only flip her strap
from off her back
Now even JTB said I'm suspended...

Good Day in the Tank

OK, let's recap:
Mad Hatter
Weasels
Brastraps and BlueJeans
Weapons
Tail wagging the dog (Don't take it literally, MH)
Nazis
Led Zep
Dear Abby

Missing components:
Alcohol, Tobacco
More sex
More Rock and Roll
and of course, F L U F...

CAROLINA ruled - Must be Basketball or tobacco

Some of the missing

Did you see on CNN this morning the hotel owner that fires anyone that smokes at work or not. Isn't that illegal descrimination?

The Doors' "Riders On The Storm" is being inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. Rock on!

What DOES "sculls of dried crows" have to do with anything?

I.R.

This reminds me of the time I went down to Human Resources to make a change to my benefits (I needed to add ATTW (Accidentally Trapped in a Time Warp) and B-i-a-V coverage). I stepped into the director's office and saw a Robot, two IX-ians, a Zombie, and this really smokin' female vampire reciptionist. I'm like, "hey, what the Arch-Demon is going on here? I'm totally deer-in-the-headlights!" The vamp says "This is Inhuman Resources. You probably want the office next door ... unless you're dead." And I'm like "no, I'm not dead yet." And she's like "you wanna be?"

P.S. - sorry that I haven't posted in a while. My mom passed-away again. I would have been back sooner, but they screwed up my flight. I was like "I need a flight to Toronto, Ontario, USA, Earth" and the lady was like "and when do you need to arrive?" and I'm like "well, she died on Wednesday, so I guess Tuesday would be fine." Well, she screwed it up and I got booked into the wrong parallel universe. That's why I always prefer to talk to a robot instead of a fleshy. Anyway, all of my comments have been going into something called "Asicnic Tank" instead of Shark Tank.

Re: What the Arch-Demon is going on here?

Hey, Mad Hatter, The Arch Demon sees the cause of your parallel universe conundrum: "I need a flight to Toronto, Ontario, USA, Earth" There exists NO universe, parallel or perpendicular, where Toronto, Ontario is in the USA.

CAPTCHA: figures facts -- either has to do with accounting or Babmbi

Welcome back

It's a mad mad mad world again.

Welcome Back

No, It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World... Would have been five Mad's, but the director decided five Mad's was redundant...

Captcha... recopy mother - I ain't touchin' that one...

har har har har

happy-sad to see the traveller in.

...and babmbi's back.

oh, ah, errrr...does it mean babmbi had a vacation with MH. i thought she went out with JTB too.

"...babmbi...vacation with MH...she went out with JTB too."

One thing can be said, for certain: Babmbi gets around!

CAPTCHA: Stroh drizzle -- it will greatly upset The Arch Demon if Stroh's drizzles from the tap at the VFW this afternoon (the regulars have been asking WHEN The Arch Demon will return -- it happens this afternoon)