Vuvuzela madness; the world's worst app comes to the iPhone

Technology has a long line of awful applications, from PointCast Network to Windows Me to Microsoft Bob. And now, quite possibly the worst --- or at least most annoying --- of them all comes to the iPhone, and it's out to destroy your peace and quiet, not to mention your sanity. It's already been downloaded a million times. You will be victimized.

The offeding app? iVuvuzela, the iPhone version of the horrible, buzzing, bleating plastic instrument that has destroyed the enjoyment of the word's best sporting spectacle, the World Cup, for tens of millions of people across the globe.

The vuvuzela, for those lucky enough not to be familiar with it, is a plastic instrument that produces an extremely loud, annoying, buzzing, bleating sound. South African spectactors blow into their plastic horns during the World Cup matches, disturbing soccer fans watching across the globe, spectators at the match, and the players themselves.

How hated is this instrument by players and spectators alike? French World Cup captain Patrice Evra complained that it was instrumental in his team's poor performance in a zero-zero draw with Urugay, and said, according to the New York Times, "We can't hear one another on the pitch because of them."

Health experts have said that it's a hazard that can cause hearing loss, according to the Wall Street Journal. The newspaper says that studies by the University of Pretoria "found the vuvuzela can reach dangerously loud levels that place spectators at risk for hearing loss if they are exposed for more than a few minutes."

ESPN reports that the biggest suppliers of earplugs in South Africa have enjoyed tremendous sales increases --- a whopping 121 percent jump for one company.

Various broadcasters around the world have been adding extra audio filters to reduce the incessant buzzing of the instruments. The BBC may filter out the sound completely. And Lifehacker even has an article about how you can build your own vuvuzela filter.

And now, thanks to the magic of the iPhone, you don't need to watch the World Cup to be victimized by the vuvuzela. Reuters reports that the vuvuzela iPhone app has been downloaded more than a million times. Ironically, the service says, the app was created by a Dutch duo, even though:

The Dutch have been the most vociferous in their disdain for the cacophonous horn, with coach Bert van Marwijk banning them from his team's training sessions and Dutch striker Robin van Persie blaming vuvuzelas on his inability to hear a referee's whistle.

The app does exactly what you think it does: It produces the same buzzing, bleating, annoying sound as the vuvuzela itself, and it does it at high volume. The real-world vuvuzela bleats and buzzes at a whopping 130 decibels. The iPhone app version does it at 90 decibels, which is still ear-splitting. The Hear the World hearing foundation notes that, according to the Wall Street Journal, "extended exposure at 85 decibels puts a person at risk of permanent hearing loss."

Oh, and if 90 decibels isn't enough to destroy the peace and quiet of those near you, "You can always hook your iPhone up to an amplifier," iVuvuzela's co-designer Lyan van Furth told Reuters.

I've got a gold mine of an idea for developers: Write an anti-vuvuzela app, one that can filter out its sounds. Network broadcasters are doing it; Lifehacker shows you how to do it. It would be easy enough to code an app that does it as well.

One more request to developers: I've got a Droid, so release an Android version first --- before the next U.S. match, if at all possible.