Balancing the Asperger's discussion

I am a woman with Aspergers.

I am a woman with Aspergers. If a cure or treatment is invented, I will take it. I would like to be able to easily read social situations instinctively, instead of having to think it through intellectually. I would like to be automatically aware of the emotional content of what, to me, appears to be a mere statement of fact. I have unintentionally hurt and upset people, I have also missed overtures of friendship simply because I didn't recognise them.

However if possible I would prefer that this cure not rob me of the things that I can do well. The best of both would be nice.

I humbly ask for some understanding...

Mr. Tennant,

I am an Aspie. At times, I do feel devoid of joy. However, that lies not on my "disorder", but rather, on the inability of society to accept me for who I am. I would like to easily socialise, and fortunately, I am one of those who've managed to observe and understand society through years of painful adaptation. It is ONLY fortunate because it enables me to deal with "society" tolerably and in an easier manner. But this does not devoid me of the sad feeling that I need to plant a facade just so I would fit in. These days, I am embarking on a journey to re-explore myself. I now realised that my sadness stemmed from the fact that when I was trying to fit into society, I was sad for myself not being myself... and when I was trying to be myself, I was sad for society not wanting to acknowledge me for being myself. I cannot speak for all of us, but I daresay this be one of the reasons why Aspies tend to sometimes feel loneliness and depression as it has with me - the wider world seems to reject everything that makes me happy - notably feeling comfortable in myself. Slowly, I am reaching out to my true Aspie self to find my inner joy. It is too bad that most of society won't embark on this journey with me, or with other Aspies. But just as other people, I must find my happiness. You can say that doing so would be focusing inward - loneliness for that matter, but then I would ask you... if I focused myself outwards, will society accept me? After all, myself is an Aspie... is it not you who has judged me to be a disease of society and needs to be cured of myself? So should I then focus outward myself just so people like you can tell me I should not be myself?

You yourself mentioned...

"Making the world a better place alone is an oxymoron, because no place of solitude is a better place for human beings"

So shall I return the question to you and "society"? If no place of solitude is a better place for human beings, then why do people such as yourself insist on defining an exclusive society intolerant of difference and variety? Your views are what seems to fuel our solitude, making a society that demands uniformity, disengaging and discarding those who do not fit the strict "neurotypical" archetype.

You in the articles realised that Aspies are not neurotypical, and yet your comments about Aspies were applied from a neurotypical perspective. Respectfully Mr. Tennant, I have spent my life understanding the behaviour of neurotypicals, and seeking the reasons of why they act as such. I understand our main differences and, when dealing with them, realise that I cannot fit them into the categories of behaviour and social expectations I would expect of myself. I think it would be more respectful of you to do the same for Aspies.

What you find normal and "happy" may not be our definition. However, as some have said before me, just like neurotypicals, we are also individuals. Some of us may be driven by a personal quest to solve problems, whereas some of us may sincerely be wanting to do something for our fellow human beings. And some of us are combinations of both. I myself have a personal desire to solve human-created problems such as political conflicts that plague mankind. Most of these conflicts arise from a general intolerance of foreign concepts. When I see images of other humans suffer, I cannot help but feel sorrow and a genuine desire to help them, but I also feel a strong sense of desire to alleviate these people from their sorrows. You seem to think that being an Aspie is a hindrance to the joy of serving and uplifting others. Or that it renders us generally useless with such concepts. I MAYBE a rare case, but my personal drive pushes me to want to "serve and uplift" others. In fact, it is my personal experience as an Aspie... the intolerance, injustice, and social rejection I faced that enables me to better understand why these people are suffering, how they are feeling, and possibly how to help them. I know all too well how society can incarcerate those not living within the fabricated "norm". And there are sadly all too many places in the world where the people, neurotypical and Aspie, suffer gravely from this intolerance. Palestine, Tibet, Rwanda, Sudan, and even the United States are such examples. I daresay that most Aspies are better equipped to understand such intolerance and suffering given the experience they have faced (or will face) from their own societies.

So then, Mr. Tennant. Who then is the one that needs treatment? Who then is a disorder? Our current society for its general incapacity to accept difference? I do question your mindset by returning to you these questions you asked of Aspies from our perspective. I am of course simply an individual, but I would make the claim that most Aspies have questioned society in the same way as I have.

So then Mr. Tennant. When you post articles, please remember that you're mindset is not the only mindset out there. Parents, neurotypicals and Aspies alike have questioned you on your "narrow-minded" comments if i may dare call them that without offending you.

I do hope you will cease to think that Aspies cannot find joy in serving the general population as that is exactly what I am doing now by trying to clarify what I believe, and there seems to be a consensus here, is a misguided and misinformed article.

I want this society to expand its horizons for all, not just Aspies like me, so that the world will become a more comfortable place to live for humankind. And I believe that if people like you were to listen and understand, that dream just might happen.

aspergers: "that was the last time I was happy"

I too am a mother of an 17 year old Aspie girl. When she was in grade three, and suffering from bullying and rejection as well as learning difficulties, she picked up a picture of herself at the age of 4. In it she was wearing a little straw hat and a great big smile. She pointed to it and said: "that was the last time I was ever happy".
The sad truth of that statement has become her constant reality. I do believe that, as with the general population, Aspie children react differently to the social rejection they often face for their "strange" behaviours. Some like to be alone, some don't. My daughter desperately wants to fit in, to be part of the "in" crowd, to have friends she can count on, to be invited to peer events. Her sadness colours her life. She is in therapy, and trying to find ways to fit in, but it is a long and difficult road. Sadly, she has experienced intolerance and rejection far too frequently and her soul is damaged. Joy, for her, is a feeling she can only experience with the horses she rides as part of her therapy.

Aspergers Syndrome

As the mother of a twenty year old son with Aspergers, I feel compelled to comment. First, the fact that they are using a different part of the brain than the rest of us to perform "social" tasks means it is less efficient. Body language and expressive looks are like a foreign language and many people with Aspergers feel they are on the edge looking in instead of being involved in social situations. Secondly, who are we to decide what happiness is for others. Many Aspies are the most elated and happy when involved in their special interests. So judge not! Alot of the problems that are encountered on a daily basis are the result of so called normal people that are so wrapped up in themselves that they fail to see the true beauty in others. Yes they would love to fit in better, but don't understand why others won't except them for who they are!

Aspergers

My 15 yr.old son is aspergers and has tremendous help through FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY, In Tallahassee,Fl. Like wise the schools has no clue and didnt want want any to add to their work-load,as to fimilarize themselves with Aspergers. They told me to quit making excuses for him he was just lazy, with that comment I took him out of school and home schooled the rest of that year. Its as GOOD or BAD AS YOUR WILLING TO MAKE IT ON YOURSELF....He can be the best young man or the worst one its totally according to the Aspie at that time. He was dignosed in the 3rd grade and has been tested to the max,ESE meetings,testing on so many levels,so take your time with your Aspergers Child they didnt ask for this disability..Remember MELT DOWNS CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME THEY FEEL THREATHENED OR INTIMIDATED BY OTHERS including their peers. Momma Suzi Cooper,Fla.

Meaning of life

I am a Mother of Asperger's child and ex partner to his father who is also recently diagnosed Aspergers. Joy comes from meaningful relationships based on 'I - thou' which is totally not possible for people with autism - that bit of the brain is 'damaged' my experience has taught me i am 'i - it' in relation to a person with autism. sadly this will not change. I hope my child will find happiness in his hobbies and obsessions, but that will not come from fulfilling relationship. Not unless you can cope with being an IT.

Thank you Mr. Tennant for

Thank you Mr. Tennant for bringing up an issue that is difficult for most people to face. I believe all is true. My son suffers from Asperger's syndrome and although he has not been diagnosed, I believe that the isolation, social problems and lack of joy are simply a fact and a characteristic of the disease.

"and deprive Aspies of the

"and deprive Aspies of the joy of helping to uplift other people. "
I like helping people and Im an Aspie. Infact I volunteer to help all the time and Ive gone to a 3rd world country to help at an orphanage and I plan to do that again as well as going down to new orleans.

"I believe, we need to do

"I believe, we need to do whatever we can to help Aspies overcome the disorder."

You are trivializing Asperger's Syndrome, or perhaps just misunderstanding what it is. Autism is serious neurological disorder. Just as one cannot "overcome" epilepsy or Alzheimer's, one cannot "overcome" Asperger's Syndrome or any other autism spectrum disorder.

Perhaps the fact that your "understanding" of Asperger's Syndrome appears to be based on the behavior of Richard Stallman, who does not have a diagnosis of AS, is what is causing your confusion.

I have a son with Asperger's Syndrome, and whether or not he brings joy to others with his accomplishments is the least of our worries for him. We are hoping he will be able to drive a car, attend college, and live independently. Every day is a struggle for my son, and the fact that he is constantly overwhelmed by people and sensory information makes even his smallest accomplishment a major reason for celebration.

So if you truly know somebody with an actual diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and that person is making a living for himself in a way that he enjoys, I'd back off from the nitpicking about his motives. It's extremely difficult to succeed and find happiness when you are seen as "weird" and even "damaged" (thanks Jenny McCarthy!), so it doesn't help to have you calling for people to "overcome" being the way they are.