Google at 20: Top Five Predictions

In honor of Google's tenth anniversary this month, here are my top five predictions for the Google headlines you'll see ten years from now.

Chrome 7 operating system called a bust

When it comes to operating systems, seven is not a charm for Google. Chrome 7, released six months ago, has lost substantial ground to Windows 12. Chrome's share of the operating system market now stands at 45%, to 30% for Microsoft, a loss of five percent over the last six months. The remainder of the market goes to Mac OS XV and Linux.

"We think that including a prominent link in the operating system to the beta of Google's time-travel application may have put off enterprises, who are focused more on stability and reliability than on whooshing forward and backwards in time," explained a top Forrester analyst. "Next time around, maybe Google should cool it on this kind of thing."

Feds announce Google anti-trust breakup suit

The U.S. Justice Department today announced it had filed an anti-trust suit aimed at breaking up Google into multiple, separate companies.

"It's bad enough that Google owns 99% of the search marketing, 95% of the cloud computing market, and 45% of the operating system market," said a Justice Department spokesperson. "Although we're not happy about that, we can live with it. But cornering the market for baby diapers, New Age music, organic watermelons, and car fresheners was just too much for us."

GoogleTV announces fall lineup

GoogleTV today announced that its fall TV lineup will be anchored by the new, laugh-a-minute weekly hour-long show "Physics Is Phun," starring Nobel Prize Winner David M. Lee, Professor of Low Temperature Physics at Cornell University.

"GoogleTV has always stood for merging old-fashioned fun with new-fangled thinking," said a spokesperson for the cable and Internet channel. "And just wait till viewers get a load of the first installment, 'Stabilization of homogenously precessing domains by large magnetic fields in superfluid 3He-B.' Believe me, they'll be rolling in the aisles."

Google releases anti-gravity machine

Google today released the first beta of its anti-gravity machine, and announced that the machine is free for anyone willing to pay $1.5 million for it.

"Free is free, but we also had to figure out some way to recoup our costs," said a Google spokesperson. "Also, people should keep in mind that it's still in beta, so they should read the EULA carefully. And when we mention crashes in the EULA, we're not talking virtual ones."

President Sarah Palin introduces federal Google filtering law

Sarah Palin, mid-way through her second term as President, today sent to Congress a draft of a law that requires that any Google search which returns sites having to do with pre-marital sex, evolution, or the Democratic party will have the links blocked.

Only those who register as Republicans will be able to click through to the sites.

"This law is just plain, common sense," she said. "Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing --- just ask my daughter about that. When I was mayor of Wasilla, I had to back off from banning books when that crusty old librarian put up a fuss, but those days are gone. And if Google is thinking of fighting back, they should be aware that anyone who can field-dress a moose can clean Google's clock."

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