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Sharky's picture
Sharky

Shark Tank

How did ... er, DIDN'T he do that?

It's 1977, and this network analyst pilot fish is working at a newly constructed data center -- one with a big fence.

"The company had just gotten a new sense of needing physical security, so they had included a new, state-of-the-art security system," says fish.

"It had electronic locks at a handful of doors in the building, a 10-foot-high fence with a motorized gate, and key-card reader stations by each of the locked doors and the gate."

One day, company needs to bring a new communications line up between the data center and an office 10 miles away. Fish's team leader decides the best way to do this without disrupting the users is to have fish go to the remote office at 4:30 a.m., while his team leader goes to the data center.

The plan: When fish arrives at the remote office, he'll call his team leader at the phone in the network area in the computer room. Then they'll bring up the test system on the new line, make sure it's working properly and then switch the existing production line with the new one.

The reality: Team leader gets to the data center gate at 4:25 a.m. and inserts his key-card into the reader.

And nothing happens.

After a few tries, he uses the intercom at the gate to call the security office. Turns out they can't open the gate, either.

Now it's 4:30, and team leader realizes fish is at the remote office, calling the phone at the network operations desk.

With no cell phone (it's 1977, remember?), leader can't call fish. And he doesn't want fish to give up and go home -- or worse, call leader's home and wake up his family.

So he quickly parks his car on the side of the driveway, climbs over the fence and sprints for the data center.

"The testing went just fine, and the line was brought up on the production network that morning as planned," fish reports. "The gate was repaired before the rest of the employees arrived for work.

"However, after an expression of gratitude for dedication and getting the job done, our director informed us that my leader had not climbed the fence and breached the security of the facility."

Sharky doesn't care how you get your true tale of IT life to me, but I prefer e-mail: sharky@computerworld.com. You'll snag a snazzy Shark shirt if I use it.

Add your comments below, and read some great old tales in the Sharkives.

Now you can post your own stories of IT ridiculousness at Shark Bait. Join today and vent your IT frustrations to people who've been there, done that.

What People Are Saying

Spiderman

One time we got a consultant on his first engagement at the client site. He stayed at a hotel close to the site so he used to walk to work. He was a short timer, so he didn't have a pass to enter or exit. The guards signed him in every day.

He was working late and the gate guards left before he did. When he got to the gate he couldn't get out. He didn't see the big red button marked 'Press to Talk to Security'.

Instead he climbed the gate. The overnight guards were on the floor laughing watching him on the monitors. Then they called to let me know about his security breach.

We had a discussion the next morning about proper security protocol. He also got a nickname for the rest of his stay ... 'Spiderman'.

Update from f1ufFytr0ll Headquarters

I recently took over a multi-site shop. Examples of incompetent consulting I've witnessed:
1) Here in my shop, all PCs were in still in workgroups. We had 3 servers, each in their own forest. No trusts between them. When someone came or left, accounts had to be made on each server, as well as the local PC.
2) Also in my shop, all clients logged into all servers as administrators, including SQL. When I finally came in and clamped things down, all sorts of people started crying when they couldn't run their iTunes any more.
3) 1/2 the company is on an exchange server with different email domain than the rest, which run off pop3. This is because consultant A was to slow, so consultant B took it upon himself to create his own domain. Noone wanted to pay him to come back and make it the same domain, so it stayed. That way
4) None of the various local consultants ever suggested to executives we VPN all the offices together, that we need a firewall at any office, or that perhaps a router alone wouldn't do the whole job.
5) When I do need a consultant on the ground to do something for me, I generally have to wait hours, if not days for them to slowpoke it on over. Yet they still try to charge me for a trip fee, and if I don't pay it, they won't be back.
6) None of the consultants ever collaborated. Some use logmein.com, some use VNC, some use remote desktop
7) I can't get the pres to buy more blackberry licenses. So for remote users I had to set up the Email Service to dial into our servers and download email. So the email isn't synched, and sent items from blackberry don't sync to email. Again, noone ever suggested a BES server before to him, and I've already used up the IT budget on VPN devices I've ordered.
8) Most of them somehow get away with charging over $100/hr.
9) I think all of them work for JIM the BOSS

Point #8

$100/hr is dirt cheap. Here in the Chicagoland area a pc-tech is $50 - $75/hr. Not that the tech gets all of that, mind you...

A consultant specializing in systems engineering, Cisco, Exchange, or anything that can hose things good if they don't know what they're doing can cost you anywhere from $150/hr to $225/hr!!

Be glad you live where you do.

Regarding your point #9:

Regarding your point #9: They used to work for JIM the BOSS, but he FRIERED them.

Breaching security...

Reminds me of some time I spent on a certain Naval Air Station a number of years back when Soviets still roamed the Earth (no, I wasn't in the Navy.... I was in the more dashing, handsome, and deadly branch of the service that often resides on such bases alongside our poor naval brethren...). They had a private contractor doing perimeter security for the base (big mistake). It seems that one of the Navy squadrons woke out of their customary stupor one morning to discover signs taped to almost every aircraft on the flightline, each of which said

"THIS AIRCRAFT HAS BEEN SABOTAGED"

These signs were usually on the side, but some were on the tail and in a couple of memorable cases, in the cockpits.

The heads were rolling well before noon: the base commander was involved, the squadron commander was stomping around looking for blood, the fences were being inspected and the civilian security contractor was trying to explain how it wasn't their fault. The FBI was brought in. Liberties were cancelled. They couldn't trust multimillion dollar aircraft and the pilots to the assumption that it was all just a prank: The next three days were spent laboriously checking out each individual aircraft to ensure that nothing was in fact wrong (nothing was ever found beside the signs) before they were flown again. The base did their best to keep the whole thing quiet: they didn't want to look like fools or inform the public that an entire squadron was grounded for half a week. The rumor around the base for the next few months was that a certain local newspaper was going to do an expose on high security facilities and had done the job themselves, but when the hue and cry went up they suddenly forgot all about it... probably a good idea...

Breaching security

In a similar way I was working on site at the HQ of Naval Air Command in the UK. This was at the time the IRA (Irish Republican Army)was active with leaving bombs around the country. It was the run up to Xmas and the security level had been raised a notch to having armed guards at the main gate with rolls of barbed wire forming a chicane, etc. So we used the back gate, 'cos there was nobody manning that.

Security Pranking

...and which of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children had been wandering the flight line with a roll of tape and a ream of paper?

I think the better question is....

Who read the signs to the Navy guys?

???

You were in the WAVES?

Waves

My answer...? Several of them...