Wi-Fi as an addictive drug

My name is David and I'm a recovering coffee addict; I've been buzz-free since last June. Come to find out that my wireless network is even more addictive than coffee and I can't quit.

I've had to face my addiction since reading a press release from the Wi-Fi Alliance. That trade organization, made up of Wi-Fi vendors, just released a supposedly unbiased study finding that about 80 percent of respondents would rather give up their morning caffeine fix than Wi-Fi.

As is the case with virtually all trade groups, the Wi-Fi Alliance is prone to trying to drown journalists with feel-good press releases and story pitches about their product. I can't blame them for that, I suppose; that's what trade organizations do.

On the other hand, I now have to admit ... I'm a Wi-Fi addict. There, I said it. Of course I have a Wi-Fi network in my home -- who could say that's a problem? But in one of the hallmarks of a true addict, I am admitting to the world that I take Wi-Fi with me when I travel (in the form of a tiny Wi-Fi travel router to enable me to use Wi-Fi in hotel rooms that only have an ancient wired broadband connection). I have spare Wi-Fi routers and adapters in case the ones I use run out of power.

I'm also prone to stopping in at coffee shops (to drink tea, of course) to check my e-mail, even if I don't have to. And, when I'm in a hurry, I stop in the parking lot outside of coffee shops for a quick Wi-Fi hit. I no longer care about coffee and don't really care about tea or, for that matter, e-mail. It's the Wi-Fi connection I crave. It's all I can think about.

At home, every evening I fall into a Wi-Fi stupor, taking my laptop with me to the sofa, where I browse the Web mindlessly for hours and hours. My wife calls me a Web potato, but I don't care about the Web. All I care about is Wi-Fi.

Ah, for the relatively innocent days of Ethernet. I just hope none of my usually well-meaning friends arranges for an intervention. I think I can break this addiction on my own. I really do. 

On a serious note, I don't mean to make fun of addictions -- I know the suffering they can cause.  My point (and I do have one) is that I wish companies and trade organizations would break their own addiction to issuing fluffy press releases and running meaningless surveys, particularly those that compare apples (or coffee) to oranges (or Wi-Fi).