Meet the identity-theft perps

Ever wondered what kind of guy gets involved in an identity-theft ring? Meet Jonathan Lee Riches, currently spending eight years as a guest of the South Carolina penal system after getting entangled with the Wrong Kind Of People.

Mr. Riches is spending his copious leisure time filing lawsuits that really defy description. His latest claims that Steve Jobs is employing OJ Simpson as a hitman and has taken possession of a number of food blenders acquired by the former football star. (Yes, you read that right, assuming there's a right way TO read it.) Princess Diana, the United Auto Workers, "radio wave warping" and Dolly the cloned sheep also make cameo appearances.

A splendid use of the judicial system, no doubt; definitely the three-page complaint is funnier than most network sitcoms, if a little harder on the eyes (Mr. Riches hand-writes all these suits, presumably for that personal touch). A district judge has described the oeuvre as "a cross between Billy Joel’s 'We Didn’t Start the Fire' and a Dr. Bronner’s soap label, if Dr. Bronner had been a first-year law student with untreated paranoid schizophrenia," and what could be finer than that?

And if a guy like that can do something like this with a pencil and three sheets of paper, imagine what a special time he'd have with your credit card.