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Sharky's picture
Sharky

Shark Tank

More posts | Read bio

June 25, 2009 - 6:43 A.M.

Now THAT'S the way to start a day

40 comments

IT pilot fish walks into the office one morning and someone immediately grabs him in the hallway. “Go check the printer in shipping,” user tells fish. “Betty is having trouble with it.”

Fish heads right over to shipping, finds Betty and listens to her story. It seems she dropped a piece of paper behind the printer, then pulled the printer out away from the wall to retrieve it.

She says she thinks a cord came out when she did that. But after she plugged the cord back in, the printer still won't work.

Fish checks the back of the printer, and finds something he's never seen before: An old CompactFlash card reader, designed to attach to a parallel port, is stuck into a hole in the back of the printer where an expansion card should go.

“The CF card reader did have a vaguely plug-like shape,” admits fish. “I asked her if she ever needed to read CF cards, to which she replied in the negative.

“I plugged the real data cable back in, unwedged the CF reader from the printer and headed upstairs to give the ancient CF card reader a proper burial.”

Tell Sharky about your day. Send me your true tale of IT life at sharky@computerworld.com. You'll score a sharp Shark shirt if I use it. Add your comments below, and read some great old tales in the Sharkives.
Now you can post your own stories of IT ridiculousness at Shark Bait. Join today and vent your IT frustrations to people who've been there, done that.

What People Are Saying

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Get out of the data centre for a while

Submitted by SpawnyWhippet on June 25, 2009 - 10:16 P.M.

You people need to cut back on whatever it is you are all smoking and get out a bit more

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Smoking comment

Submitted by The Arch Demon on June 26, 2009 - 8:42 A.M.

"I never inhaled." -- William Jefferson Clinton

CAPTCHA: Ellen grabs - Hmmmm....

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That reminds me...

Submitted by Dr. Neutronium on June 25, 2009 - 11:07 A.M.

That reminds me of the time I was requested to send one of my minions over to the XaxXax system to check out a baby-star generator. It turns out that the generator was producing stars, but of the neutron-variety instead of the good old yellow-sun type, which the customer wanted. When my minion arrived, sheit found that someone had played with the matter mix flux and one hundred times more mass was being shoved into a very small space than what the recipe called for. Sheit made a quick adjustment, and voila! Baby yellow suns came out the other end. I had to spring for new suns to replace the neutron stars, but fortunately they were few in number.

Oh, by the way, a short while back, someone questioned my credentials as a doctor. I wanted to let it slip but my minions have pressed me to rebut that individual, telling me that I could be sued on the basis of that person's claim, so here goes.

To be sure, I am three times a doctor, having won my dissertations in Forensic Metaphysics, in the Culture and Literature of Aman (orals conducted by no less a personage than Varda Elentari, herself, along with several lesser Maia) and in the Numerical Analysis of Dioxide Gassification (copies of said papers provided for a slight fee + S/H). To show you my mental acumen, I offer this haiku, published in the literary magazine, WRITE! on the planet Curuxo:

Singularity.
It eats up all my nice ships.
I have to buy more.

Okay, okay, something is lost in the translation. Nevertheless I assure my reading audience that you are not dealing with an uneducated buffoon, but with someone who has earned his sheepskin three times over.

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Bogus!

Submitted by Anonymous on June 25, 2009 - 12:08 P.M.

Bogus! 100 times more matter? You're just making this stuff up. Everyone knows that a neutron star is 2.6 to 4.1 x 10E14 times more dense than a typically G-type star. Sheesh.

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Have you thought of everything?

Submitted by Dr. Neutronium on June 25, 2009 - 1:17 P.M.

You did not take into account the model of baby sun generator I was using. Granted that the old Mark 101 would not have been able to produce a neutron star no matter how much mass was pushed through it (can't handle the density requirement), but the Mark 201, which was the model in use here, can.

Not to mention that a good solid neutron star has the solar mass of about two of your small suns, give or take. My 201 can handle that without a hiccup, especially after the custom modifications I have added.

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Why did they name the

Submitted by JamieChan on June 26, 2009 - 6:52 A.M.

Why did they name the generator Mark, why not Bill or Bob?

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Um ...

Submitted by the Burning Dog on June 25, 2009 - 12:16 P.M.

Just speculating here "Anonymous" but isn't density determined by both mass and volume? So, the Good Doctor could have been making Neutron stars with 100 times the matter and minus a zillion times the space.

But, the Good Doctor kinda skipped over this little detail. He had other things on his mind, like re-reading the Silmarillian.

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I was worried about that.

Submitted by Dr. Neutronium on June 25, 2009 - 1:20 P.M.

It always happens when I drop Varda's name that she is immediately associated with that interesting history book. I asked her about that after the orals but she declined to comment. Manwe just winked at me and grinned.

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I CAN RELAITE DR PLUTNOIUNM

Submitted by JIM THE BOSS on June 25, 2009 - 11:57 A.M.

WEHN I WAS STIOIL WROKIG AS A SCRIURITY GAURD I HAD THE COPANY VIECE PERSIDENT YELL AT ME AFTRER I BAKKED MY BUGGGY ITNO HIS CAR HE CLALLED ME UDEDUCATED BAFFOON I SET HIM STRAIT I WNET TO HIHG SKOOL OH BY THE WAY I HAD HIM FRIRED A CUPPLE YAERS LATER AHAHHAHHAHAH

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F L U F

Submitted by F L U F on June 25, 2009 - 9:23 A.M.

With the subject, "Now THAT'S a way to start your day" I was expecting a story of a user getting F L U F'd or a MILF needing some help.

Reflecting on my best mornings, a nurse used to work at on of the offices I was at. Married and with children, but low cut pants and beautiful exposed undergarments day after day.

I'm taking back my anti-women on computers sentiments, and revising it to only attractive women can use computers.

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