Why isn't Linux funny?

Stop me if you've heard this one.

How many Windows programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They've declared darkness a standard.

A Microsoft Office product manager told this to me years ago on the company campus in Redmond. I was reminded of it when reading comments to Michael Horowitz's blog last week about how difficult it is to update his browser on his distribution of Linux compared to updating software on Windows. He said the Linux update process had four strikes against it. As a baseball fan, I thought it was an amusing observation. (He's since upped the ante to six, enough to strike out two Linux distributions.)

Linux users were not amused. The problem, they argued fervently, was not with the update process but with Horowitz. Here's a classic comment from (per usual) "Anonymous":

You call it Linux and from you description I can see that your talking about Ubuntu. Your use of synaptic is completely incorrect as is your assumptions of having the latest version. Ubuntu provides you with the latest version that they support. Anything else would be beta. Microsoft hasn't issued Service Pack update to Windows 7 for the same reason. I use Gentoo Linux and Ubuntu both seperate [sic], derived versions of the GNU/Linux Operating System. This is not Windows. You can't get a virus by clicking a link. You also cannot just install software just to 'try-it-out'. You must have root(Admin) authority. This is for the systems protection as well as the users. So yes it requires a little bit of knowledge to 'make it work' the way you want but Ubuntu has made several strides in making it easier for the common user to make use of it. Yes it could be easier but then you wouldn't be able to do as much with your machine. Effectively you want an appliance -- I want a computer.

It's so earnest, so technical, so dull. And so off-topic.

Horowitz just wanted to upgrade Firefox on Ubuntu and was venting about why it was so difficult to accomplish. He didn't want dissertations on why Linux was more secure than Windows. (It isn't, really, there's only less malware in the wild to exploit it.) And he wasn't saying he wanted an appliance, either. Horowitz, like most normal folk, wants a computer that works fast, efficiently and, within reason, easily.

Linux fans are so darn serious about everything. You can't utter a word of doubt about their favorite operating system's superiority without facing their wrath. They need to lighten up. They've got a perfectly fine operating system. Linux dominates the software as a service market. It's embraced by virtually every CIO with a brain cell. Governments around the world love it. There's no need to be so defensive.

The world of Linux humor (small as it is) is mostly defensive and derisive about Windows, Macs and, of all things, Unix. (That's like telling mean jokes about your mother.) Once Linux users understand that they have a mature operating system then maybe they'll grow up and learn to laugh at themselves. Just like the adults in Redmond.

Which reminds me of an email I got from an acquaintance from Microsoft a long while ago that included an excerpt from Bill Gates' weekly planner.

Bill's Diary
Monday Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought along Melissa to complete the foursome.
Tuesday The baby cries constantly. Better buy Fisher-Price.
Wednesday Good day. Found over $10 worth of soda cans on the streets outside headquarters.
Thursday Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
Friday Reminder: 35-cents off Snapple coupon expires in tomorrow.
Saturday Memo to self: When Melissa says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
Sunday Rested.

;-)